where you are. by jasmine jones

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Ki. its been 16 years since you've been gone but today ifinally had another dream about you. i miss you so much! i know you're with me though because i'll hear all of your favorite songs on the radio like Roni by Bobby Brown. i'll never forget about how youhad a girl gang called the Roni's in high school and you'd spell it with a little heart over the "i" its the little things like that that remind me of how adorable you were as a kid. and then you had a bad ass little child that changed everything about you. you said my uncle would tease you every now and then by saying "babies having babies" and shaking his head. he always knew how to get you going!

but lets get into this dream tho. it was so beautiful because it was the first time i didn't cry after i woke up. i woke up happy and satisfied that i got to see your face. we were in a big house with beautiful bright colors on the wall. we were talking to someone and you didn't like what they said so you asked me to come into another room to talk to you. you had on white painting overalls that you'd probably rock so effortlessly even now. as you talked to me, i realized it was you, my mama. my favorite person in this whole world. the only person i've ever been comfortable enough around to lovingly embrace. my first instinct was to give you one quick hug but as soon as i reached out i remembered that that can't happen in our dreams because you always disappear. i know this is because you're a spirit and its difficiultfor you for whatever reason but all i can do is respect the laws of the universe. as soon as i realized my mistake, you gave me the thanos treatment and disappeared. this concept might be a little unfamiliar to you because you weren't able to see endgame, and to be honest ihavent even seen it either but its this little thing called twitter that you'd probably love (even tho you'd cringe at my page because your little girl is all grown up and ratchet). but it was so great to see you, mama. you were just as beautiful as you've always been and for the first time in my life, i woke up from a dream because i was bursting with excitement.

i see you in so many little ways. from butterflies to red birds to simply seeing your birthday pop up whenever i'm having a moment of doubt. thank you for continuing to guide me and lexiin the right way and for making sure we are covered and protected. i always warn people to do the right thing around us because we have a mama bear on the otherside that will act a whole fool if we're messed with. your babies are growing up and maturing in so many different ways. lexi has your build and its stressing everybody out because she's too beautiful for words. she finished her first year at howard and already has an internship. i remember your dreams of wanting to go to howardand how that dream came to an end once you found out you had a little bundle of love growing in you. i tried to do the same by going to howard and finishing out our plan but i think i needed to learn the ropes so that i could teach lexi everything she needs to know so that she could finish that race for us. and i just want you to know we are fighting whenever i see you again because between your husband and lexi, i am out here running around like a mad man! i wouldn't trade it for the world though because the three of us have a bond that is so unique and beautiful. thank you for creating that. i'm gonna keep listening to this song and thinking about your beautiful smile. love you mama and i can't wait to see you again.

Kelvin HicksComment